by Sid Bridge, Financial Correspondent for the whole whirled! 

Heck, it's all fake anyways, except the Ukluku!

Heck, it's all fake anyways, except the Ukluku!

The Chinese push for a world currency has raised a world-wide uproar over whose currency would prevail. China was quick to suggest its own currency, the Mao. The controversial Mao is a 12 inch diameter disk that is dominated by a large depiction of Chairman Mao Tse Tung.


“We believe it’s time for the world to use our currency,” said Chinese President Hu Jintao, “We expect to cover the world with Chinese people by 2030 anyway.”

President Barack Obama was quick to promote the American dollar.

“The dollar is the greatest currency in the world,” said Obama, “Right now it’s up against the Euro by… no, wait, it’s down. No, it’s up again. No. It’s down. Look, it folds nicely and fits in most wallets.”

In a rare show of unity, African countries came together to promote their currency.

“It’s time that the world recognized a significant portion of its population, Africans,” said Zaire’s President Mbeko Fambiki, “For hundreds of years we have traded with the Ukluku, a round ball of Ibex dung placed at the end of a stick. It is cheap to produce and accepted all over Africa. Let us throw our Uklukus at you.”

Not to be outdone by the show of unity, South American countries stood together, represented by Brazilian President, Luiz Inacio Lula Da Silva.

“South America is an up-and-coming economic giant,” said Da Silva, “We trade in the one currency that the world understands and values – lines of Brazilian cocaine. Try walking into a store with some of our currency and see how popular you are!”

The other super power in the world weighed in as well.

“The Russian people are proud of the Ruble,” said Vladimir Putin, “It’s a nice coin and it’s worth, um, we don’t have a chance at this, do we? Screw ya’ll.”

“Obviously, the Euro is the only choice,” said British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, “It’s valuable, pleasant, quite attractive, well sized, articulate. I say, hello? Where has everyone gone? Excuse me, I’m trying to lecture you on a currency. How rude.”

Canada also expressed concern about being left out of the process.

“Our dollar’s totally different from the American dollar,” said Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper, “It doesn’t even work in their Coke machines. You’ve got to listen to us! We really have a country, too. We have hockey and public restrooms here! Will someone please recognize Canada?!”